i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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