I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
