I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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