I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
