Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
