Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
