I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
