I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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