matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
