I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
