Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
