I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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