I hate your face
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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