It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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