I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
