pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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