my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
