my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
