this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
