She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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