if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
