ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
