The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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