That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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