I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize