So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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