a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
