I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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