i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
