I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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