They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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