Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
