Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
