I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You took a bar mat shot.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
