he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
