i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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