Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
