Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
All the doctor said was why
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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