Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
