We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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