Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You need Xanax blowdarts
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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