i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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