she was so not down for the gang bang
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
