Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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