Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
