Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
