You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
