you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
