i need an iv and a liver transplant
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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