her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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