Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im six kinds of drunk right now
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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