the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
