Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
time to smoke my breakfast
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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