Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
