idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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