You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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