Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
