How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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