in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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