I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
