its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
