It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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