Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
