he puts the penis in happiness.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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