break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
