After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
