is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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