her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am available for nakedness
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