And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
