I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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