do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
