It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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