You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
