His pubic hair was longer than his dick
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize