I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
