I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
