i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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