is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
