I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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