i'm lost and i look like a hooker
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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