They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
