the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
