if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
