please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
