You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
