two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
