i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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