Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
