I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
