its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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