You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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