i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
