I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
