So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
