I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
