I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
