i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
