you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
