Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
