dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I will be naked everywhere
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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