He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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