He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
