He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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