I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
